It's been a long time since I was on this site for many reasons. But it's obvious that the God and Goddess, Divine Spirits work in mysterious ways.

I will try to be a little more present here in the future. Bright Blessings to all especially my friends who have remained.

 jenima

Today I got a shock of my life because out of the blue we received a check for a large amount from our mortgage company because we had paid them too much money. Needless to say I have been in the best of spirits all late afternoon and evening.

I honestly didn't know how we was going to make it these two weeks because we had more going out than was comfortable. By the time things were said and done we had nothing more than $65 to run for two weeks. This check couldn't have come at a better time. I'm no longer worrying and we'll be able to make it until hubby gets paid again.

I am a person who doesn't believe in doing spells unless there is no other alternative and I had highly considered doing one. But the point is I never got the chance, I had only thought about it and what a great need we had.

Sometimes miracles do happen by the grace of the God/dess and the universal powers.

 Bright Blessings to all

I have started reading this book, huge book but not a bad read. As I have started going through it I came up with something that is huge concerning my chosen path. This book was written back in the early 70s sometime and a lot of it centers on Goddess worship.

The Holy Mary

There are many reasons why I cannot cling to this figure of womanhood, this spiritual concept. It is because one and foremost she is 'Untouchable' she is 'above' all women.

The majority of us is human, we make mistakes, we have done wrong against each other and ourselves.We are absolutely NOT 'spiritually pure'. Truthfully, what does she have in common with us? She didn't even have physical sex to concieve. We enjoy pleasures of the flesh. Therefore I have never been able to connect with her, there is no empathy. I can't see her in me or I in her.

If we were to concieve without medical help or that of a man we would instantly be outcast, classified as a freak and in fear for our lives. I am surprised she wasn't burnt at the stake for consorting with demons. She is woman who was placed on a pedestal, a place we shall never reach.

So my search for a female spiritual deity goes on.

As I am moving along this journey it has come to me that I must really take a look at what would be called my core beliefs.

Regards to deity-(God/dess) I have always believed in both the male/female deity. You can't have one without the other. It always pissed me off because I was always told that the female engery of the divine was not valid. Yet everything in the universe has its opposite. I do believe in a light and dark engery but in all honesty I do not believe in the Christian devil. I haven't for a long time.

Regards to nature- I believe we are part of the never ending circle of life. Like all things we must keep a balance, respect for a force that is beyond man's abilities to control.

Regards to life- Life is truly what we decide to make it. I have learned a great deal in my lifetime and of course my learning isn't over yet. But I do know words have a power all their own. Truthfully, it isn't up to another person to make Us happy but ourselves or ourselves miserable. Another being can add to our feelings but they can't control our feelings or actions. It is up to us how we deal with it. It's time people stop blaming others and take accountability themelves.

Regards to death-This concept frightened me for a very long time. When I was growing up my mom, grandma would drag me to churches, even when I didn't want to go. For the longest time I was told that if I was bad, very bad that the devil would rise up and snatch me down to hell with him. Needless to say that played one hell of a trick on a young kids mind. For the longest time I wouldn't play in the drt, dig holes, and there was one particular spot in our kitchen that I would refuse to go near because of this fear. Well needless to say as I got older I saw it for the ruse it was. But then I got a fear of being buried under ground. I'm not sure if this stems from that childhood fear or the fact that maybe in previous lives at one time I had been buried alive. But then my thought of being cremated isn't exactly thrilling either. Even though my husband believes that once we die, our bodies know nothing else, that may be true but the soul does. Yes I believe in an afterlife. I believe in reincarnation. We can all theorize about death all we want but no one will know until they cross over.

Regards to sin- I have never believed that we must pay for our ancestors sins and mistakes. Its bad enough I have my own garbage to deal with let alone some ancient person who lived on this planet at one time. Do I believe Eve was evil and the end of the human race, no. It was just as much adams fault as it was eve's, take accountability for your own actions and mistakes. Do I believe people go to hell who have commited sin? No. I believe we deal with sin right here, right now. Why create some fantasy hell and damnation when we live through such terrors here on earth? Look at the holy wars, Hitler, look at the civil war period. Look at all of the wars we involve ourselves in. We do carry out punishments for the wicked. Look at lethal injections, the electric chair, prisonment for life. Besides, in the end we all answer to a higher power for our actions even though others may not see it. True we may at times not answer for it until we cross over but that is between the divine and the individual soul, not for everyone else to decide. Now I amnot saying that crimes should go unpunished, not in the least but why create a fictional hell when there is so much we must confront and deal with already?

Regards to worship- I feel that the best way I can worship the divine forces are Outside of a building. The Divine is EVERYWHERE not just some building because a preacher says it is so. I truthfully do not like churches. When I was about 11 to 12 years old I remember my mom, aunts taking me a church just up the ways from our farm. It was a one room church house with enough room for a row of pews on each side and the ilse, pulpit. The church was filled. I don't think anyone realized what kind of show they were in for at this service. 'Remember David Carradine when he played the monk and burnt the images of dragons into the sides of his arms?' Well this preacher I don't know how he did it. This man picked up a kettle full of hot coals, bright, red hot, and danced up and down the isle holding it with his arms. You could see the stem rise where it was burning his flesh, you could smell it and yet this man acted as if it was nothing more than a kettle of ice water. Terrified the hell out of us, we all got up and ran from that church. I never will forget looking back and seeing the look on that man's face(preacher) his eyes glowed an unearthly color. Soon after that church was closed, condemned and tore down. We never did hear what happened to the fire and brimstone preacher. Then a few years after this I went to a friends church, come to find out the night we attended services a girl was attacked down in the lower levels of the church by another clergy member, he was convicted of rape. So yes, my experiences with churches haven't been the best and this is why I worship the divine in my own way outdoors.

Regards to organized religion-Don't care for it. I have a lot of reasons for this. The ways of organized religion has done a lot for me to turn my back on it. I got tired of being told I would burn in hell for my personal experiences, I got tired of being told I was evil, I got tired of being told if we wanted their help that we had to pay them back, or that I had to give more than half of my check to the church or we would go to hell. Yeah me and organized religion just don't mix. I guess that is another powerful reason behind my seeking out the old ways.

Regards to my children and divine- We let our children pick their own paths but guide them. We don't tell them they have to be Christian, we don't tell them they have to Pagan, Native American or any other. Our oldest sons believes in Paganism. Our middle is basically an anthesit and our youngest attends church on quite a regular basis.

There is a lot of information out there. A great deal of the info can be overwhelming. But I trust that I will be lead in the right direction and to the path, tradition that I am to learn. It will be interesting to see what happens along the rest of my journey.